i once watched someone i hold dear suffer and break
i watched her break
listen! i watched her break, and
it hurt like hell
for the both of us
and when she asked me to please
to just please hold her, i did
one of the hardest things i’ve ever done
and told her no
i watched her break, and heard her break, and
she asked me to hold her, for just a little bit
and i told her no
(if i could describe the look she gave me i would)
when she asked me why, why the fuck! i wouldn’t
hold her, i told her, “your suffering’s a growing”
and i left it at that
but, i wanted to tell her that suffering is
a growing pain, that the last thing i wanted was for my
compassion to cause the growth of her smile to wane, that
at nineteen i’d finally grown big enough to hold a pen, that
now i couldn’t see myself doing anything else again, that
people say those with the biggest hearts suffer the most, that
it’s actually the other way around the pole, and that i secretly think
nature has already answered every single question we pose
listen, i wanted to tell her about childbirth
about it being worth it, about how pain teaches us what to do
and what not, about the death of the blissful neanderthal, and about
how people with congenital analgesia can’t tell when they’re in danger
but i didn’t, have the words then
and now that i do, i’m telling you too
please, listen
i once watched someone i hold dear suffer and break
i watched her break, and heard her break, and
it hurt like hell
her smile’s pretty big these days, and
though i don’t know if it’s, if i’m, absolutely right
i have a hard time calling it wrong
and these days, she bites my lips, and i bite hers
and she talks about the pain being worth it
go figure